Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize