the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
