Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
