i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
