It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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