"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
