I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
