You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if only i could text you this smell
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
