There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
