I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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