My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
