you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize