You made me cry and you don't even care
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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