People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you had me at cake vodka
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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