dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
