Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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