I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
