Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
