ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize