We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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