In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
