Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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