I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
