girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
