I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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