I have demons in me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
