Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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