So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
