I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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