i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
