I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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