thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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