Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
