Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
