i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
