I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
