God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
