the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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