you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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