I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
