So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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