I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
