whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
