tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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