and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
