Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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