alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
high people should be assigned attendants
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
