Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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