god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
