Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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