The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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