Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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