I cannot find my penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You took a bar mat shot.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
