he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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