some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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