We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My penis needs a shock collar
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
