I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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