So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
