I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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