Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
