just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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