Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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