He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize