the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
