I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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