i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
