Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
