I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
