good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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