Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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