We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
