Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
