i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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