she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
