so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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