After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
