What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize