Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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