Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
