Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
