Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
