Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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