did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
