omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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