I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
