1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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