i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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