i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my poor anus
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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